put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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