well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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