My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
