awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Michael Bay diarrhea
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I intend to get homeless drunk
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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