some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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