Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
