Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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