dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
