I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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