dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
