Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
