You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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