It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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