we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
