just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
