just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
