You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
