did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
