i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize