I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
