I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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