i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
