I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize