Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
