Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
