i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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