Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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