Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
