When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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