Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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