yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize