Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
