you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
