failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
