I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
