I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
