ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
