I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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