My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
