the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
we're so committed to being not committed
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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