Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
