Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
where does the pee come out of this thing
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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