The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
