I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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