ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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