Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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