1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
