I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize