Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We smell like vodka and hangover
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