Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
