3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
