So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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