Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize