So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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