The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
