Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
