Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
