I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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