k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
