Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
