i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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