You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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