Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
