Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just want nice things and good sex
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
