I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
