Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
