none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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