She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
