You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
