I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So squirting runs in the family.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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