Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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