He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
