Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
