You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Holy shit dude........stairs
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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