Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
