So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
