This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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